i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
