Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
