i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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