i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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