The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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