The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
