You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize