you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
