1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
