She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
