your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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