We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
