Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
