if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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