don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
