the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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