im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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