Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
