you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize