He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My ass is underappreciated
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
