i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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