somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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