Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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