If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
