I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
