yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
