you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
