I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
