Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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