Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
