sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
