I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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