Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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