everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
