EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
