Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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