Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
