I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
They have beer where we have blood.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
