So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
