I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
