i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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