just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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