dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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