so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
