Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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