I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
