Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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