I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
