tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Text me some of your sweat
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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