this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
