Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
