3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
