I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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