a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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