i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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