There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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