im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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