After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
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