So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
