you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I can't turn off my feet"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
