I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Randomize
