I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
