If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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