I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
