My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
