Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
