What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
