so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
