I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
