i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
