I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
