Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize