I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
